When one has lived as long as I have one learns above all else that it doesnít do any good to complain. Itís true I tell you! And lately Iíve been hearing a lot of complaints. Not to me necessarily, but just dissatisfied grumblings that express various disgustapations and twitter pated stuff overheard in passing conversations. Now I realize that folks are going to complain because itís simply the nature of humankind to utter discontent. I reckon it makes us feel relieved? So in view of this, Iíd like to express a few things that Iíve been sort of holding back, not because Iím such a nice fella but on account of as I said, it just doesnít seem to do any good. So here goes;
I notice most of my fellow Muleskinners carry those little holsters for their cell phones clipped on their belts or purse. This is, I guess, sort of a status symbol? Well I canít afford one so Iím wearing my garage door opener.
And another thing, Iíve spent a fortune on deodorant and it has occurred to me that nobody likes me anyway.
And Iíve decided that while itís true that Iím getting old, I still have something on the ball. But damnit! Iím just too tired to bounce it. Moreover, Iíve gotten that dreaded furniture disease, My chest is falling into my drawers.
And hereís some more things Iíve been holding back that Iím gonna start just blurting out or answering the way I want.
Them employment blanks that Iíve filled out over the years always ask Ďwho is to be notified n case of emergency.í Iím gonna write, A Good Doctor! You twit!
Then thereís my guests who come to visit and see the litter box and say, ďOh you have a cat.Ē Iím gonna reply, ďNope, thatís for company.Ē
And I get confused when I see scads of pictures down in the Post Office of wanted criminals. What am I supposed to do? Write to these people? Why donít they just print their pictures on postage stamps so the mailman and everybody else can look for Ďem?
Then I see a lot more old people in church these days. I thought at first they were getting religious. But come to find out theyíre cramming for their finals.
And on the subject of religion, why is it everytime I meet one of these alleged Christians and start asking questions they look at me and tell me Iím simply ĎDevil possessed.?í
And all I wanna know is things like, how did old Noah get all them critters into that one raggedly constructed boat? And where did Cane get his wife when he was banished to that land of Nod? And what about that rumor that Adam, had a first wife named Lilith, who rebelled against waiting on him hand and foot?
I reckon though, Christians are mainly all right. At least if I donít convert they donít threaten me with death like my Muslim neighbors do. But Iíll tell you this, if I see a dude wearing a turbine Iím gonna keep an eye on Ďim. To hell with that politically correct stuff that says I canít.
Well, there you are. See, I told you it doesnít do any good to grumble and complain. Furthermore, I betícha Iíve managed to anger at least a half dozen of you. But I do feel sort of 'relieved.'
See you at the next shindig.
~ Weakeyes Cody
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