Hew yew Muleskinners,

It's Griz with yew agin.

'Acause a Cody & Miz Eula not bein' able ta make the Virginny City trip an' all this year, I have taken it upon maself to fill yew other no-shows in on the doin's. Other than bad food, worse mattresses an' a few minor misunderstandin's between us, the Sheriff's office, the Virginny-Truckee Railroad an' the Comstock District Mine Operators, we had a purty good time.

It was reported that the reg'lar gold shipments out a town by rail departing at noon, tew an' four o'clock, Saturdie AN' SUNDIE niver made it as there was a holdup each time down at the Gold Hill Station. Now what's amazin' ta me is that the town law was niver awaitin' down thar fer them varmints after the firs' robbery like you'd 'spect. They musta kept thinkin' them owlhoots would niver 'tempt ta rob the same train twice in one day as close ta town as they was. BUT THEY DID. Five times in tew days...FIVE, mind ya. Woulda been six 'cept Captain Ball was in rar form atellin' stories ta fereigners thar in the Gold Hill Saloon an' got us all acacklin' an' we plum fergot 'bout the tew o'clock train. Good thing tho, fer that was the one time the sheriffs stuck aroun' apokin' through the blood an' dusty tracks.

Fer Sheriff Pat's part, tho, he did stick an ol' fart, retired sheriff, Misfire Mel I b'lieve it was, on the scheduled departures tew assure all that they'd be safe an' there would be no inceedents. 'Course, the passengers kicked the crap out a him sa bad that by Sundie evenin', he couldn't hardly shinny his sorry ass up onta his barstool. I know. I saw. Grievous.

Seems there was armed men on board each time and even sum courageous, proper ladies with pistols in their carpet bags who did the best they could ta protect the gold and the passengers. The Monday mornin' edition a the paper I was told, reported that the passengers even won out in tew er so a them holdups 'cause there was talk that a bunch a U.S marshals was aridin' thru aplayin' cards in the caboose. It was them on one run up the mountain an' a group a hired guns on the other, they say. Funny thing is, with all that virtue aridin' them wheels, not one ounce a gold's been turned in. 'Course, I couldn't verify that 'cause the mornin' paper was all sold out and I couldn't even borrow one.

I mean, it aint like there wasn't outraged citizens, visitors & residents alike ready ta ride down after them varmints each time, (It's alweez the same few folks who is willing ta git theyselves involved, don'tcha know?) But them outlaws acovered them's tracks each time and stashed the bodies of the slain sos they couldn't be fingered. Funny, how jus' turnin' yer bandana aroun' kin change a man's whole appearance, heh, heh. We hunted high an' low fer them bad guys. No one reconnized us an' the sheriff's bought us all dinner fer our efferts. Yessir, we shore had us a good laugh over't the Bucket a Blood Saloon each night, I'll tell ya.

Now, we hear that the A & E Mine owners has acalled in the army ta help keep them shipments agoin' thru an' there's a whole raft a tents roundabout the Gold Hill Station. 'Course, we's all home now asingin' an' adoin our chores, apayin' our taxes an' abuyin' new farm equipment...

Anyhow, after all that commotion in town...on Saturdie night, we all got together fer supper, the men's with them's misses (them's that had 'em) an' we ate food made by the "Heathen Chinee" behind the hotel. I jus' knew we couldn' truss them slanty-eyed li'l devils. 'Cause afterwards, we all turn in......AN' THE AR thar in the Silver Queen was so heavy an' so foul, that ifn a feller so much as scuffed a spark offa the rug, the whole place woulda exploded in flames. Mercy!

By the way, I saw a pitcher a the li'l dude the hotel was named after in Carson City. He worked a cancan line.

The servin' gal across the street at Julia Bulette's where we all met fer breakfast sez that the Silver Queen maybe the cheapest major hotel in town, but it's also, the most haunted in Virginny City. 'Magine that. No wonder Cutter & Windy Bill had ta change rooms three times what with the baby probly aseein' things an' akeepin' 'em up all night. 'Course, I think they said it was a mattress demon what made 'em up an leave at least one time. Sum a our wimmens saw an' heard stuff, too an' they changed rooms.

But them mattresses was the subject a much discussion. Either they was sunkin' in the middle er domed in the middle sos folks was aslippin' off on the floor...er they was too hard er I don't know what all. Mine was so hard, I couldn' sleep really ANY a them nights. Either there had been sum extremely hefty folks aridin' the mattress in this here room early on er sum extremely active ones 'cause I jus' know that this mattress, wyyyy, thar was buggy LEAF springs in thar.

Speakin' a that mattress, thar was this nice couple astayin' next ta me on the third floor thar on the end by the fire escape. He was Muleskinner Jim an' his woman, Ruby Sue. Not of us but members of Desert Guns. Y'all know them. They been in cahoots with us on stuff before. Like us, they're looking' fer trouble, not ta own it; jus' ta visit it. BUT, they is the biggest man an' wife I've iver seen, bofe 'bout six feet three an' I 'magine, tew-thirty ta three hunnert an' twinty pounds. An' I was nervous alweez that they might jus' have them one a yer normal, knock-down, drag-out marriage miscommunications at sum point in the wee hours an hurl theyselves through the paper-thin wall atrippin' over White Hoss on the floor an' aslammin' haidlong onta me, aflattenin' me on that slab I was asleepin' on. Caint imagine why I was athinkin' that silly thought. Maybe that mattress demon was awhisperin' tew me...

Anyhow, we was asprucin' up fer supper in the room an' we noticed that even with the fan agoin' overhaid an' wind ablowin' thru the winder now an' agin, it was still stuffy in the room. (Devils agin.) An' the door was so tall that neither Hoss ner me could reach the transum without a ladder er steppin' on that flimsy ol' furniture. Sos, Big Jim offered ta help but the dang thing was stuck...warped. Sos, Hoss hoisted me up ta grab the latch an' I pulled an' Jim pushed. Well, Jim, probly not knowin' his own strength, pushed sa hard, the transum blasted open aknockin' me clean offa hoss's back on ta the bed abouncin' me right out the winder, down three stories onto the biggest fat lady I ever saw, aspillin' her nickels all over the timbers. Wellsir, she was pissed. I mean her bridge club ladies said that she was already outa sorts without me addin' tew it an' she beat on me till her parasol was all pulp an' splinters as I was atryin' ta pick up all them nickels... 'Course, when I disappeared, White Hoss an' Big Jim's best conclusion was that the dang mattress had ate me what with all that ghost talk an' such an' they was carefully bendin' near ta see if they couldn' hear a belch ta put the wraps on it.

That's all I kin remember right now after all that brain-bruisin' I sucked up but other important shit happened ta other ones of us, tew! Kin yew b'lieve alla this stuff you's areadin' what happened tew us these past few days?......Good!

Yores,

Griz

...Oh, another thing.

We was afollerin' each other homeward an' the Captain came up with an idear. He wanted ta stop at Bodie an r'lieve the bank of it's cash an' we all thought that was a good thing sos we all of us pulls offa the main trail. Now Bodie, bein' a sleepy ol' minin' town these days what with the fires an' the high cost a haulin' ore, is a shadow of it's former self. I mean, everboby's atakin' a siesta 'bout tew in the afternoon. Annn', we don't see nobody aroun' much. Well, we's a li'l nervous, but...Captain Ball barks the orders. Guns drawn, we rush the door... It's locked. We stack usselves up like flapjacks, me bein' sumwhars in the middle, an' afalls on our asses, all of us. Well, the door opens an' a li'l bald feller asticks his haid out an' sez, "Howdy boys, I was jus' alockin' up, afixin' ta step out fer a spell. I have niver in ma life known men ta have a thirst like y'all's. C'mon in. The drinks er on the house."

It was a bar, not a bank. Nobody red the sign. In our defense, tho, we haint niver seen a saloon made outa bricks, have yew?