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"MIND MEANDERIN’" - GRIZZLY FILES, NO. 34
Dearest Mule-Mindin’ Misfits,
(Yep, yew guessed it, yew sereebral sons-a-bitches. Ya gots ta go back an’
read Grizzly Files, numbers 30, 31, 32 an’ 33 those a yew what jus’ larnt ta
read er what’s tew lazy ta have NOT already red ‘em ‘cause, as reg’lar, yews
aint gonna git what all aled up ta this partic’lar bunch a words. An’
y’all’s agonna be scratchin’ yer haids. Those a ya what did read ‘em awhile
back but gots the mem’ry of a fern, like me, kin probly, git by ba jus’
goin’ over No. 33 agin.)
"WATER WUNDERS" - GRIZZLY FILES, NO. 30
Ya know, us Muleskinners sticks together like brothers an' it goes without
sayin' that we gots ta back our brothers’ play. Nobody done writ it down er
nuthin' but we all knows it by instinct, I’d say. We aint like other outlaw
gangs what alweez doublecrosses ‘emselves when the goin’ agits risky. Nosir,
it’s 'cause, I s'pose, well...I guess it’s ‘cause we jus’ luvs one anuther
an' alaughs at each others' shit. That’s why.
I’m aguessin’ but we’d, probly, take a bullet fer any one a usselves without
thinkin' nuthin' 'bout it, we would, ifn nobody had no time ta count the
cost. Ya never knows in a life an' deaf pinch, I reckon.
Goes without sayin’ that ifn ol' Smokey Jack, f’rinstance, was a li'l
quicker on his feets, wyyy, aint no doubt he'd athrow his ample self in the
way a hot lead acommin' our ways...any a us, I 'magine. As fer the rest a
us, I aint sa shur, tho, it's fun ta tell usselves as much an' kinda
bullshit usselves, ya know. We all luvs Smokey 'cause he gots a heart as big
as he is an' he kinda watches out fer all the Muleskinners, not jus' in
Safety Officer stuff.
All a us has done saved each other’s hides in gunfights at one time er
anuther by adroppin' them lawdogs, posses, vigilantes er any ol' enemies in
thems’ tracks an' we's grateful, 'acourse. But what I'm agittin' at is
sump'um else altogether. I mean, ifn somebody, like Smokey, was ta save MA
life at the expinse of his own, wyyy, THAT THAR would be the differ'nce. I
would be grateful fer the rest a my life an' wouldn' never fergit it.
An’, I keep athinkin' back ‘bout bein' down in that thar slimy dang well fer
three days an' nights without no hope a bein' found lest the Preach had gots
back ta me with a rope. But even in my de-ranged, mental condition, I
shoulda been skeered but I wadn'. That's 'cause I realizes now, I was
ahavin' a ongoin' conversation with Jesus, Hisself, tho He didn' actchooly
say nuthin'. An', He give me peace 'bout agittin' outa that well. An' thar
aint no doubt in ma mind that He was in thar with me. Aint nobody gonna
convince me otherwise. Wyy, I owe everthing I gots ta Jesus an' much more
'acause He done took that “deaf-dealin' slug” fer me, so ta speak, tew
thousand years ago, not fergittin’ asavin' me the tew er three times out
thar in the desert, not sa long ago.
Ifn I was ta be honest with ya, I has ta admit that them great idears-a-mine
ta keep them dang buzzards from eatin' us wadn' mine atall, nosiree. They
was a gift right outa the ar from HIM outa HIS lovin’ kindness. ...The white
glove-cloud apointin' down ta the ghosttown an' water fer us wadn' no
acceedent. The water level a that well arisin' up high 'nuff ta let ma soggy
carcass out, shore wadn' no acceedent. Horatio an' Martha ahappenin' by an'
afindin' me afore I dried up in the sun wadn' no acceedent. Wy, them's was
all miracles like I haint never in ma life seen bafore.
Ya see, when deaf was alookin' at me in the eye, IT was alookin' at Him in
the eye, tew, an' Jesus was aprobly grinnin' at 'im. An' even tho the
Preach, bless his bones, done made it clear that Jesus would save ma soul
AFTER deaf, I still shoulda been petterfied ta face "carcass deaf",
woorfless as mine is, down thar in the wet, moldy, ol' darkness, like I was.
But, I had no fear far's I kin recall. 'Cause, He was with me...right thar
in the soup...the whole time.
An', all yew boys is alookin' at me like I'm daft, an' that I'm abuyin' inta
my own story-tellin' er sump'um. I knows them looks. An' Preach: you aint no
dang help, neither, tho I knows you was moved deep down aplenty at the way
them evints went down. Yew, 'parently, aint asayin’ nuthin’ in God's
diffense but thems all b'lieved yew when yew was atellin' 'em how me an' yew
was saved from dryin' out thar fer "buzzard jerky" an' agivin' ME the
credit. Yew knows it was Him. Hail, YEW taught ME.
An', I knows yew alooked 'round that ol' minin' town at the damage yew
caused, tew, God luv ya, an' seen how the water gots tew me. Couldn't miss
it. Don't yew call that a miracle a God? He saved yer dried-out, pruny, ol'
ass, tew, didn' He? That aint no kind a behavior fer God ta dew ifn His
intintion is ta sind ya ta hail down the line. I still sez that ifn I kin
come clean an’ agree that all a what I done is wrong, offer my bonnyfied
apology an' git ma sorry self forgiven
an' saved, hail, YEW KIN.
Jus' cause yew astands a good five inches taller 'an me, that don't make yew
the bigger asshole er bigger outlaw in His eyes. K'rect me ifn I'm wrong,
but outlaws is outlaws, li'l er big, it don't matter. We's agoin' against
His rules an' ifn "He's the potter an we's the clay" (as I has heard yew
say), He gots the right ta smush us an' start over like He done with Noah’s
whole world. By golly, I would. Ya caint be sa dang stubborn when "forever"
is ahangin' in the balance. But hail, I caint tell yew nuthin' more 'cause
yew aint listenin’.
Wish I could have Jesus with me, tho, evertime we's in a shootout with the
law er the townsfolk. Wait a minute..., He aint acomin' nowhars near them
goin's-on. I'd be willin' ta bet it's the devil astandin' thar at them
times.
Speakin' a the devil, we pissed 'im off good 'cause, HAY, he was probly down
in that well with us, tew. Wy shore, I know he was. No wunner I wadn'
skeered... thar was a party agoin' on down thar, heh, heh. I could tell
'cause he was abreathin' on ma neck. An', maybe aslobberin' sum, tew, 'cause
he knowed he was agonna lose that battle an' he was aspittin' mad. Don't
know much 'bout the devil, 'cept he's a much bigger, smarter, meaner outlaw
than any a us an' I reckon he hates the Muleskinners almost as much as them
church-goin' townsfolk, don'tcha reckon? Don't know how I knows that.
Probly, 'cause we kin still make the choice a which way ta go an' he don't
have that choice na more. Think I'd be invious, tew, ifn I was him. Now, he
hates me an' him an' his demons is probly agonna poke me with pitchforks
when I aint looking' fer the rest of ma life. Better watch ma back.
An' it aint like ya kin jus' draw on 'im an' shoot 'im in the ass er put 'im
out a his misery like I done tew a number a fools what jus' needed killin'
with yew boys. He caint die till his time's up. Nosir, guess the only thing
I kin dew is ta sic ma friend, Jesus, on 'im each time an' sit back an'
awatch 'im sizzle an' cuss...ifn that's okay with Jesus.
Hail, ifn that don't work, (an', with the preach not sayin' nuthin' an'
agittin' pissed when I ask 'im stuff,) guess I'll jus' hafta dust off the
misses's ol' fambly Bible (rest her soul) when I gits back ta the homestead
an' see ifn it sez in thar how's a feller's ta pertect hisself.
But, what am I gonna dew ta repay Jesus fer all what He done fer me? Caint
pay HIM back. He don't need it. He owns all the gold an' all the cattle on
them thar hills, I hear tell. Guess what li'l we gots, is all jus' on loan
tew us, anyhow. Guess all I kin dew is thank Him, talk things over with Him
ever day an' jus' be friends back, I s'pose.
'Course I could cut ma killin's down ta tew er three a month...er give up
agittin' drunk on whiskey an' settle fer agittin' thar on jus' beer...er
quit apokin' them whores an' asettle fer jus' "lap-lappin'" er sump'um, much
as I hates ta. I dunno. I jus' aint shur 'bout them rules. Haint never seen
'em but I guess thems is in that Bible, sumwhars. Yep, s'pose I'll hafta
fetch Momma's dusty, huge, ol' one outa the attic when I gits home.
Hold on, thar. I'm agivin' away the farm, here. Better think twice 'bout
that... Then agin, like I done said bafore, I almost "bought the farm", I
did. ...But fer the kindness an' sacrifice a Jesus, 'cordin' ta the preach.
An' I’m athinkin’: what er yew Muleskinners agonna think when I 'nounce:
"Only tew killin's a month.” ONLY TEW? Wy, yew's likely ta laugh yer fool
haids off, astrap me ta ma hoss backwards an' asind me off South ta Mexico
er sump'um fer all I knows. Yep, I knows that’s what I’d probly dew ta me
ifn I was y’all. Gots ta figger a way ta keep that sort a thing from
ahappenin', tho, I does.
I know. I gots an' idear. Wy, I kin remind yew boys that next time yer asses
is in a sling an' yews is afacin' deaf, yew kin go ta Jesus, tew, an' he kin
save yew...jus' like He did me. Then, yew kin be His friend, tew. THAT’S IT!
Tew things I've noticed 'bout Jesus: One, He likes ta show up jus' barly in
time an' apull ya out a the clutches a deaf AN'ACOME TEW YER RESCUE when
thar aint no other way atall. I likes that 'bout Him. An', He'd 'preciate it
ifn we would b'lieve THAT since he done did it already fer ALL a us once, so
long ago, ta blot out all them evil deeds-a-ours. An' 'acourse, at the
'spinse a his own life, I might remind ya. In fact, God, His Dad, accordin'
ta the preach, won't allow no one inta His heaven after deaf ifn they DON'T
b'lieve it.
An' tew, He, obviously, don't mind what yew is er what yew aint er what yew
is in the habit a doin', I mean, the kind a no-account, rottin' skunk yew is
when ya first meets Him. He jus' befriends ya as yew is. An' that jus' aint
natch’ral. But I’m shore glad He was awillin' ta be thar fer me,
thank...yew, Jesus.
Agittin’ back ta ma dilemmer: What the hail is I gonna dew ta show ma
'preciation? Wy, when I was up tew it, I did dew a Ii'l jig an' sang a li'l
song fer 'im down in the street like I promised I would but it sounded sa
bad, I was afeared He'd take offinse. An', I stomped ma corns sa fierce, I
had ta quit dancin', Wy, I caint seem ta be nuthin' but a bad smell in His
nose most a the time. Gots ta ponder that one, I does.
Tell ya one thing. I feels sumhow clean, tho, I haint had a baff in weeks.
Wy, I feels like a differn't critter. ...A new critter. I jus' aint the same
as I was. 'Magine that.
Oh hail, looks like I been apreachin’ at ya, agin. Did I dew that? Oh hail…
Ifn I ruffled feathers anywhar out thar er offinded anyone’s a yews’
delicate sinsibilities in any way, yew gits the binifit a ma reg’lar
response. An’ I don’t s’pose none a ya could miss what that might be, heh,
heh.
Anyhow, in my next letter ta y’all, ya aint gonna hafta read this yarn
‘afore ya read that one an’ ‘afore that one ya gots ta read t’other one.
Nosir, no more need a that. It IS finished.
Nope, but yer agonna git the full low-down on that biggest, dang she-nanigan
we EVER done pulled off. Yep, details many a y’all missed ‘cause ya couldn’
be everwhar at once an’ a few a yew poor sons-a-bitches an’ ladies wadn’
thar atall. I knows that partic’lar few a yew is agrindin’ yer teef away at
the thot a missin’ out on abein' a part a that mon-yew-mental piece a
mischif, lame bastards what yew is.
Sos, keep yer eyes peeled fer the stage. An’, be shur ta lock this next one
up fer safekeepin’ ‘cause yew aint gonna wanna lose no parts a THIS TALE
when yer areelin’ it out ta yer grandkids, I’ll tell ya. Wy, thar’s a
year’s-woorf a bedtime story here, ifn ya was ta ask me. An’ that’s with
askippin’ over this an’ that here an’ thar. Savvy?
Yores,
Griz
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