Writins of Weakeyes Cody
Talented and witty writings
That Ant My Opinion @2002
I would like to point out a few facts about this character some pseudo journalist has ennobled, we know as the Ant; which in itself was an overstatement of unforgivable proportions heightened only by his assassination of the character of my friend the Grasshopper.
Now as everyone with one eye and half sense knows, who has ever took the time to walk across a field, the Grasshopper is simply an uneducated harmless fellow reveling about all day laughing, chewing his cud and spitting from elevated weeds, eating what's available, eyeing members of the opposite gender and living his life as any good Democrat. Thus I feel obliged to defend my friend who hasn't the time nor inclination to do it himself. Now this Ant, so highly praised for his diligence and even his intelligence, is a sham! And I shall prove it!
I sat for an afternoon analysis of this vaunted devil and allow me to present you with my findings: This creature's very nature is first of all displayed clearly by his color. He is red! He doesn't even attempt to conceal the fact he is a Communist! He can painfully sting you to agony and he owns nothing. He labors to collect things to take to his hole wherein it's stored and used by whosoever. And there are so many of them that a relative spoken with today may never be seen again for weeks, if ever. The young are brought forth raised and educated by the condominium. But the worst is only a select few are permitted to proliferate. And the Grasshopper was criticized for his behavior. You observe that Ant and talk to me about intelligence.
As we walk along we all see the Ant progressing along the ground carrying his oversized load and we are made to think that he is hauling his prize to his den for the betterment of his clan But be advised dear hearts that it may not be so. He finds a thing usually ten times his size and far exceeding his capability, then picks it up and impresses everyone and is even commended for doing such a thing, starts off with it, drops it and is thrown maybe several inches away, comes back and picks it up again in the same way and starts on his tour. In any direction! Unlike the Bee that is guided by the sun and divine grace, this imp of the red hoard strikes out in any direction. Three hundred fifty nine to one that he goes toward his hole. Intelligence? Indeed!
Note this: when he comes to an obstacle such as a tree, does he go around it? No! He struggles with his load to its very pinnacle, looks about puzzled, then grapples with his burden back down to the base and continues on in still another direction. Inevitably he meets another of his kind. We don't know if this other red rascal is a member of the same clan or not, but it grabs a hold of the object and begins tugging. In the opposite direction. This may go on for an hour. It requires patience to observe intelligence of this eminence exhibited by our Commie superstar. But at last the two begin moving in the same direction and we think a sensible conclusion has been arrived at. Alas no. After only a few yards have been spanned the two miners stop, touch body parts and begin fighting. They roll into a ball and tumble for another hour or two until one of them emerges still able to move. He ponders a bit seeming to be taking tally of his operative segments and moves off hobbling minus a leg and half his squeezers, completely ignoring the prize he has toiled with so long and so hard. Moreover, he miraculously heads straight for his hollow, where you would expect him to be met by his peers with warmth and appreciation. But no - they ostensibly examine him then pounce on him dismantling him piece by piece until he is scattered all about the entrance to his home hole possibly as some sort of display or a reward maybe for his diligence and intelligence?
And so my friends, next time you read that tripe about my friend the Grasshopper, just keep in mind that he smilingly appears cheerfully every spring just as he has been doing for as long as we can remember. He worries not with obligations that he can't handle, pays homage to no one, sleeps regularly and dines on the best grains our farms have to offer. affluence, accomplishment, conquest, opulence, and wealth, all mean success. Just different ways to say it. So don't ever listen to that novice journalist who tried to sell you on the idea that the Grasshopper is a failure. That's spelled only one way. Ant.
Oh, and by the way, the grasshopper can reproduce. Now you tell me that the Ant is an example for mankind!