MOJAVE MULESKINNERS

When one has lived as long as I have one learns above all else that it doesn’t do any good to complain. It’s true I tell you! And lately I’ve been hearing a lot of complaints. Not to me necessarily, but just dissatisfied grumblings that express various disgustapations and twitter pated stuff overheard in passing conversations. Now I realize that folks are going to complain because it’s simply the nature of humankind to utter discontent. I reckon it makes us feel relieved? So in view of this, I’d like to express a few things that I’ve been sort of holding back, not because I’m such a nice fella but on account of as I said, it just doesn’t seem to do any good. So here goes;

 

I notice most of my fellow Muleskinners carry those little holsters for their cell phones clipped on their belts or purse. This is, I guess, sort of a status symbol? Well I can’t afford one so I’m wearing my garage door opener. And another thing, I’ve spent a fortune on deodorant and it has occurred to me that nobody likes me anyway.

 

And I’ve decided that while it’s true that I’m getting old, I still have something on the ball. But damnit! I’m just too tired to bounce it. Moreover, I’ve gotten that dreaded furniture disease, My chest is falling into my drawers. And here’s some more things I’ve been holding back that I’m gonna start just blurting out or answering the way I want.

 

Them employment blanks that I’ve filled out over the years always ask ‘who is to be notified n case of emergency.’ I’m gonna write, A Good Doctor! You twit! Then there’s my guests who come to visit and see the litter box and say, “Oh you have a cat.” I’m gonna reply, “Nope, that’s for company.”

And I get confused when I see scads of pictures down in the Post Office of wanted criminals. What am I supposed to do? Write to these people? Why don’t they just print their pictures on postage stamps so the mailman and everybody else can look for ‘em? Then I see a lot more old people in church these days. I thought at first they were getting religious. But come to find out they’re cramming for their finals.

 

And on the subject of religion, why is it everytime I meet one of these alleged Christians and start asking questions they look at me and tell me I’m simply ‘Devil possessed.?’ And all I wanna know is things like, how did old Noah get all them critters into that one raggedly constructed boat? And where did Cane get his wife when he was banished to that land of Nod? And what about that rumor that Adam, had a first wife named Lilith, who rebelled against waiting on him hand and foot?

 

I reckon though, Christians are mainly all right. At least if I don’t convert they don’t threaten me with death like my Muslim neighbors do. But I’ll tell you this, if I see a dude wearing a turbine I’m gonna keep an eye on ‘im. To hell with that politically correct stuff that says I can’t.

 

Well, there you are. See, I told you it doesn’t do any good to grumble and complain. Furthermore, I bet’cha I’ve managed to anger at least a half dozen of you. But I do feel sort of 'relieved.' See you at the next shindig.

 

~ Weakeyes Cody